Zombie Survival Kit

When you’re not protected by the guards and weapons of Fiddler’s Green, you may have to fend for yourself during a zombie attack. Thus, it’s important for everyone to have their own zombie survival kit. If you don’t already have one, you should get it together immediately… we never know when (not if, but when) World War Z will begin. If we aren’t ready, the dead will reign.

Ok, so now that I’ve impressed the importance of your zombie survival kit, I need to explain a few important things. First, it cannot be larger that a duffel bag or backpack, as you must be able to move around easily while carrying it (mine is is a messenger bag). Second, you are allowed to have two automatic or semi-automatic weapons that do not fit in your kit and you can wear your bullets Rambo style… of course, they must have straps so that they can also be carried easily. Third, this bag should include a few pairs of underwear, an extra shirt, and a pair of gym shorts… I don’t think this needs to be explained.

With the remaining space in your bag, what items will you carry in your zombie survival kit, and why?

For me, I’ll begin with a bottle of Jim Beam, a carton of strike anywhere matches, and, of course, my lightsaber. Essential.

Now, it’s your turn. The winner gets a zombie prizepack (any other winners awaiting prizes, sorry for the delay… I’ll get a bunch of them sent out by next Monday).


~ by thepaintedman on February 3, 2010.

5 Responses to “Zombie Survival Kit”

  1. My plan would be to become as unappetizing as possible. Therefore, I will pack Spam, three pickled eggs, two deviled eggs, organic shark chum, ginger, Spicy Garam Masaala, two WWII-era MREs, one yellow onion, and one bottle of Goldenschlager. Also perhaps a blender, a laptop battery, and a book on electronics to make the one run off of the other. Drink, enjoy, and hope that its repulsive virtues can be mine!

  2. And cilantro, lots of cilantro.

  3. *Knife w/ 6” blade and assisted opening (I’m a personal guy, although I will use my guns for long/midrange distance defense, I prefer a good stabbing every now and then)
    *Nalgene bottle
    *Matches in waterproof case
    *Canned black beans
    *Leatherman all-in-one (can opener, screw driver, wire cutters, etc)
    *Emergency blanket
    *Mini-Mag flashlight
    *PF Flyers (they guarantee to make kids run faster and jump higher)

    **Multi-colored face-paint for worst-case scenario. (From my knowledge and passion of the subject, I truly believe I would survive a zombie apocalypse. That being said, zombies seem to be evolving quickly… they run faster, have developed leadership, and can even walk underwater. In the case that zombie evolution overtakes my knowledge and skill set, and I sadly do become bit… I would paint my face like a clown. Clown Zombies are my favorite.

  4. Zombie Survival Guide.
    Hatchet (for destroying wooden stairs)
    Rope (for climbing up and down said stairless void)
    Metal Water Bottle (for boiling and purifying it)
    Chalk (for marking paths taken, as well as marking buildings as infested/picked over)

    …and last my book of Zombie Haiku so if I am turned, I can still enjoy some culture.

  5. Very practical suggestions so far. Let me add….

    1). Family size Ibuprofen. Essential for the daily aches and pains of zombie fighting. The point of surviving the Zombie Apocalypse is to survive to a ripe old age, and if I’m gonna be waving a machete around when I’m 99 years old I’ll need some anti-inflams. The loud rattling of the pills as I run might attract attention, but….

    2). I’ll stuff the pill box with clean socks. Hey, my feet get cold, I get cold. And I’m up in Canada!

    3). Big book of Sudoku Puzzles. An eraser and a pencil. Do them through once, erase them, do ’em again. Excellent for keeping the aging brain sharp.

    4). Several pairs of spare glasses. I wear contacts usually, but forget that Post-Apocalypse. Remember that Twilight Zone where the last guy on earth finds a library but breaks his specs? Oh, the irony…

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